The first days and weeks after losing a loved one are incredibly difficult—numbness, grief, and a host of other emotions make decisions and day-to-day life a struggle at unpredictable times. At the same time, these days are filled with fast-paced, important decision-making about celebrating the life of the deceased.
The funeral arrangement conference is one of the first important steps that occurs in this process. However, many loved ones know very little about this meeting beforehand, adding stress to an already painful time.
We don’t want that to be your experience at Locke Funeral Services, and so we’ve compiled this guide to answer your questions about what happens during a funeral arrangement conference.
What Is a Funeral Arrangement Conference?
A funeral arrangement conference is the initial meeting between a deceased person’s loved ones and their funeral director. It’s an important touchpoint where the funeral director gets the information they need to start assisting you in planning the service, and the family learns about the services the funeral home offers.
- When it occurs: 1-2 days after the death
- Duration: 30 minutes to several hours (depending on the deceased’s preplanning and which services you’re interested in)
- Location: the funeral home, your home, or virtually via phone or video call
Related: Get to Know the Funeral Directors at Locke
What to Expect at a Funeral Arrangement Conference
A lot happens at a funeral arrangement conference. Your funeral director will use this time to accomplish four main purposes.
1. Gather information about the deceased
Your funeral director’s first priority is helping you fill out necessary paperwork to request death certificates and initiate life insurance claims, as well as apply for veteran’s benefits if applicable. They can also write an obituary for you if you would like. They’ll walk you through the personal information needed to begin the process, which may include the following:
- Full legal name
- Social security number (SSN)
- Parents’ full legal names (including mother’s maiden name)
- Birth date and location
- Name of surviving spouse, if applicable
- Address at the time of death
- Location of death
- Occupation and highest level of education
- Military discharge papers (DD-214), if they were a veteran
If you would like the funeral director to write the obituary, they may ask for additional details such as:
- The deceased’s passions and hobbies
- Unique characteristics and personal accomplishments
- Organizations and memberships, including church membership
- Impact and legacy
- Other surviving family members—children, grandchildren, spouse, siblings, parents, grandparents, etc.
2. Help you make important decisions about memorialization
A large portion of the conference is spent reviewing the options for how you want to celebrate the life of your loved one. It can seem overwhelming, but your funeral director is there to help you through the process. Together you’ll talk through:
Service Structure
- Service type: traditional funeral, memorial service, or celebration of life
- Additional gatherings: viewings, visitations, or interment ceremony (a short service at the graveside or mausoleum)
- Casket: Present or not, open or closed (dependent on embalming and organ donation requirements)
Ceremony Details
- Location, date, and time
- Floral arrangements and decoration preferences
- Music, readings, and personal touches
- Participants like speakers, musicians, clergy, and pallbearers
Final Disposition Options
- Burial or entombment
- Cremation and how remains will be cared for afterward—scattering, urn or cemetery placement
- Location of final resting place
- How embalming and organ donation choices may affect final arrangement
Obtaining Funeral Products
- Casket, vault, or urn
- Grave headstone or monument
- Floral arrangements for services and the casket (if applicable)
Remember: Your funeral director will likely focus on products that the funeral home carries, but you aren’t limited to them. If you want to provide your own urn or look into other options, just let them know.
3. Learning Your Preferences and Your Loved One’s Wishes
Honoring your loved one is a lot more than the cut-and-dry details of event planning. Your funeral director wants to understand what matters most to you and your family. You’ll be asked about:
- The deceased’s preplanned wishes, if any
- The tone or style of service you feel best represents your loved one
- Religious, cultural, or personal preferences
- The best way to honor their life and legacy
- Whether you need help identifying an officiant or special participants
This isn’t just a nice gesture—your funeral director will use your preferences to make any decisions you don’t cover in your meeting.
4. Discuss Payment Options
Sometime during your funeral arrangement conference, you will discuss the financial aspect of the funeral home’s services.
Your funeral director will ask:
- What is your budget for memorialization services?
- Who will be paying—one person, or multiple family members?
- Did the deceased have money set aside in a pre-funded plan or insurance account?
- Will you pay with credit card, estate funds, or other financing options?
Make sure you’re honest about your budget and payment methods, even if you’re not totally sure yet. In turn, your funeral director is legally bound to be honest with you about the costs of the services they offer and how they fit within your budget.
How to Prepare for Your Funeral Arrangement Conference
It’s okay if the funeral arrangement conference feels overwhelming right now. By learning more, you’ve already taken the first step to make it a productive, clarifying informative meeting.
Make it even easier with the tips below.
Plan Ahead of Time
You can ease the stress of the days after a loss by thinking about arrangement conference topics far in advance. You don’t have to hammer out all of the details, but you can take several steps to get started.
- Talk with your loved one and other family members about their preferences
- Investigate funeral service providers and the options they offer—our website is a great place to start!
- Keep a written record of opinions and decisions made
Have a Pre-Conference Conversation
Take a moment to circle up with the rest of the deceased’s family and loved ones before the funeral arrangement conference occurs. During this difficult time, it’s important you make sure everyone’s on the same page about:
- Who the primary decision maker is for memorial arrangements (could be 2-3 people)
- Who will attend the funeral arrangement conference (likely the decision makers you just identified) and who will take notes
- Strong memorialization preferences that need to be represented
- Funeral budget and payment method(s)
Gather Necessary Documents and Information
As soon as you can, start gathering the information and objects you will need for the funeral arrangement conference. Collect them in one spot and refer to this list to see what else you need:
Paperwork
- Identifying information for the deceased: Photo ID, SSN, legal name, parents’ names, birth and death information, employment and education history, survivors’ names
- Military discharge papers
- Life insurance policy information
Personal Effects
- Photos of the deceased for embalming, obituary, and/or memorial slideshow
- Clothing (including undergarments) and accessories selected for services and burial
Preferences and Payment
- Records of the deceased’s preplanned preferences and payment options, if applicable
- Payment information if needed: credit card, estate information, burial insurance
- Notes from your pre-conference meeting
Don’t worry if you forget a document or don’t have a chance to grab it. If anything is missing, your funeral director will walk you through it, and you can bring it next time you connect.
Our Recommendation: Let Locke Help
We know that the first few days after a loss are often the time when you least want to make big decisions, especially about saying goodbye to your loved one. Locke Funeral Services is here to ease that burden with attentive service and over 75 years of serving Cedar Valley families.
Wherever you’re at in the memorial planning process, we can help—especially if all of it feels overwhelming. Connect with us today by visiting our website, contacting us online, or calling one of our locations. We look forward to answering your questions and helping you honor your loved one.
